Forgiveness- the route to peace!

There's something to be said about being at peace within.

Our minds and internal state truely create our reality. Many people know of this but don't know this. It is only when you truely recognise and maintain this peace that you can get out of your way.

Forgiveness is so tricky to understand as naturally we are designed to remember traumatic events to help us avoid them again. Quite literally, it is human-nature NOT to forgive and certainly NOT to forget. We are built physiologically and mentally in the flesh to survive and that involves a certain social system to survive.

Many people do not realise but despite our best intentions, we are still 80% emotionally-driven beings. Emotions play such an enomous role in motivating us in life. These same emotions can also destroy us. Our emotions cause chaos, degenerative behaviours and can even lead to self-harm. Yet, when you consider it in more detail it is YOUR internal state and only YOU are causing these emotions.

How to regain control of your emotions...

1.) AWARENESS - become aware of signs your emotions are escalating and your are losing control. Feel your body, pay attention to shoulders and your attention. Your shoulders will rise and your peripherial vision will reduce giving you tunnel vision. This is your body in fight-freeze-flight mode.

2.) CHALLENGE - challenge the emotion of emotions. Remember that the feelings you get that are triggered by the feelings you had previously is a viscious spiral of self-fueled negative mess. You don't have to feel this way and you do have a choice in this matter. Try reframing the situation adjusting your perspective and check your state.

3.) CONQUER - the final stage is counter-intutive, but trust me on this. The ideal final thing is to prove to yourself you are in control by PURPOSEFULLY DECIDING TO MAKE THE EMOTIONS WORSE. That's right, make it worse first. By proving to yourself you can make the emotions worse you stop the spiral of the stress of stress as you feel incontrol again. After you make them worse, you realise that you can make them better and BAM. All done and you suddenly become one resiliant mo-fo. Congratulations.

Forgive, but it's okay to not forget

One of the key battles that hijacks our emotions and triggers irrational behaviours is incidents that require forgiveness. We may feel abused, betrayed, hijacked, unappreciated and untrusting that the person will not do this again to us. Some people will say the line to "forgive and forget", but have you ever asked why that emotion comes into our head so powerfully in the first place?

The answer is to protect us from this happening again in the future.

Screw forgive and forget, there's a reason why you feel this way! However, you have to decide if the emotion part is helping you or hindering you in life. With the emotional side of forgiveness, and jealousy, the answer is it definitely isn't helping you. So forgive emotionally... after all it is only you that you are hurting mainly.

Although, forgetting is something all together different. Do I even think you should forget and the answer is often "no". It is correct to remember past events as it may help protect you in the future, or even prepare your mind for a similar event. Here is the thing though, should it interfere too much in what could be? 

​No again. I feel this comes to embracing our vulnerability as men. One of the most powerful thoughts you can have is to recognise people will hurt you in life and you will be emotionally ruined for a while, the key thing is... that is okay! It is okay to feel this way and okay to be hurt as that is life. It is okay to put ourselves in emotionally vulnerable social situations as this will allow us to experience in life and potentially grow.

It is often said that emotional pain is love: it heals us and helps us grow. Some also say that it is only by hitting rock bottom that we stop looking down and start looking up again. Emotional Pain triggers deep change in us and can allow a period of immense transformational growth.

So, concluding thoughts are to control emotions in life, forgive (forgetting is optional) and embrace our emotional vulnerability recognise we may experience "pain" but it is a normal everyday state and to embrace it as it can trigger great changes in life fueling us to better places.

Welcome emotional pain if it arrives, use it well as a tool and grow stronger as a person! Let the good times roll....