There's something to be said about change, change is tough but if change is forced upon you then all you can do is ride the waves along the way.
Today I changed the locks on my front and back door retaking full control of my house. It is from this point only I and my parents can enter this address.
Part of me was really hoping it didn't come down to this, however this seems to be the path I am being forced down so my role is just to trust in something bigger than me and embrace it riding the waves instead of resisting.
I feel really sad saying this as I genuinely like the person and we did get along, however she made a choice to push me away and disregard all the good times we had together. I respect her and appreciate the times we had together and I really don't want to do this but it's time to emotionally disconnect.
Throughout the relationship, I comprimised wherever I could and by doing so all it did was made her take more. I had forgiven her time and time again for various things which she took for granted and seemed like she started doing more and more. I really wanted to make it work but my assumption now looking back is as soon as she felt like it was settling, she started detaching. It seemed to be as soon as I was moving into a house and she ran the real likelihood of moving in with me it all of a sudden turned. I wonder if she just wasn't ready to settle down and the idea just scared her. Looking back, I now believe she just wanted friendship and some company!
Whichever guy she gets with next, I really hope for his sake and hers that she has spent more time to discover herself as in independent adult first.
The curious thing is, would I get back with her in the future? Surprisingly the answer is yes (shock) but only after she finds herself a little more and is ready to settle down in a more serious relationship. We really did work together and that is why this is such a hard breakup. Part of me still finds this bizarre and I don't think that will ever leave me!
On the off chance you are reading this, no hard feelings whatsoever and I wish you the best of luck on your journey of life moving forward! Best wishes.
To everyone else, keep in touch on this blog and comment below...
You may have heard it be said that the perfect life is because of perfect days. Perfect days are simply an outcome of perfect rituals or routines you do consistantly.
One of the key messages I got from the book OWN THE DAY, OWN YOUR LIFE: OPTIMISED PRACTICES FOR WAKING, WORKING, LEARNING, EATING, TRAINING, PLAYING, SLEEPING AND SEX by Aubrey Marcus (on audible) is the idea that the variables that make up your life interact with each other and cannot be separated.
He explains in his book that every variable in your day interacts with each other thus you should consider everything in your day as a whole. For example, if you wake up after having little sleep, you will be sluggish and may have a crap breakfast as you feel it will boost your mood. You eat your unhealthy sugary breakfast before getting in the shower. You become even sleepier after the shower and sit down to try and rest a little bit. Because of this rest, you fail to exercise to boost your mood and fail to journal due to time constraints. You end up having not enough energy to tidy and clean the house and have to rush to work. At work, you have a bad day all because of your lack of ability to apply yourself and finish in a grumpy mood. You come home to a dirty, unclean house which affects you further and you end up skipping your evening meal due to feeling too tired to eat. You go to bed ill-minded and have one of the most unproductive days of your life which carrys on this downward spiral.
Instead of thinking about having the perfect diet or perfect exercise routine, you need to look at EVERYTHING and do it all on 1 perfect day.
Sometimes, a little bit of wisdom can do wonders...
If you are stuck in the same place, simply just start moving anywhere then adjust your direction over time! If you need to move on, move onwards...
Since I decided to start looking up after hitting rock bottom, I have re-expanded my network so much I have ended up talking once again to an old childhood friend who lives in Kansas City, Kansas, USA.
We go back as far as teenage years after meeting on chatroutlette at the time. The talks and conversations we had were insane and she even painted me a lion and sent it to me as part of her art.
The key thing here to comment on is the idea of getting momentum in areas of networking, even if it is just online (thanks COVID), has helped socially.
One question begs to be answered, what else could I get moving with?
I think I need a more thorough battle plan for 2021. I'll get the whiteboard out now, let's go!
it amazes me how things can be so cyclical in life.
Yet again, another failed relationship but I genuinely wonder what happened. Considering that the only variable that stayed the same in both of these relationships was me... I know I am to blame.
Saying that, I am reflecting back on my choices of Women. When I met my ex, she was under-confident, timid, incapable, couldn't even speak to a waiter on a meal out to order her food she was that under-confident and yet several years later she has grown substantially.
I am a Christian and I am starting to think my role was never to be with her indefinitely but instead just to help her grow as a human being and I seem to have done that really well! She is 10x the person she was when we first met and I can take pride in knowing how much I have helped another human being along the way.
Part of me feels sorry for her now due to a death of a close family member, she has changed her energy and tone although it seems to be going better than I thought. I hope she pulls through!
I need to stop doing this, stop finding people to fix and start finding people to compliment my life instead!
Of course, I still have internal issues myself and perhaps they need to be resolved before I go looking for a partner to compliment my life hence this journey of 2021 and the blog has begun. This will be an incredible year to find myself, grow, develop, gain confidence and truely succeed.
Here's to a new year, new me and new life. Let the good times roll!!!